Buffy's Ramblings

Well, it certainly turned into something completely different than when I started.  It turned into a giant journal mixed with an auto biography.  There's little consistency and continuity, but it was actually a pretty great place to vent.  It will absolutely never see the light of day, but it got me writing a bunch every single day and it felt good just to let it all out.  Overall it was a good writing exercise and I think I did really well, especially since I did run into a few obstacles such as an injured neck.  I was able to slow down on the last two days because I was so far ahead and in a way that felt good too.  I could hate written more - a lot more - but I think I'm just going to let it be as is.  Live and let go as it were.  Final word count was 50150 or 50198 as the NaNoWriMi site validated!  Now to get back to edits for last year's book...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! So I'm chugging along.  My personal journey through depression has definitely turned into more of a chaotic memoir.  I read Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking and I thought that while her life was interesting, her writing was atrocious.  Well, now I know why.  Trying to write about your own life and share stories and how they all tie in together to land you where you are as a person is messy.   Anyway, on this day that makes us stop and give thanks when we might otherwise be to busy all the rest of the days, I want to say that I'm thankful for having forgiving children (when Mommy's trying to write instead of play) and a supportive husband.  I'm thankful for being able to be a stay home mom.  I'm thankful to the teachers that spend time with my children and help them learn even when my kids can be pretty challenging sometimes.  I'm grateful for having a loving family and even having some family close.  I am tha...

I'm working hard to stay on task and stay motivated and keep up with my goals.  I was recently told that I need to go back on Bipolar meds which frankly is all the more depressing.  I'm trying to keep it up and I seem to be making it, but I'm struggling.  :-(

*I VOTED, DID YOU?!* There is SO MUCH to include that affected my depression from development to evolution that I struggle to keep some kind of coherence.  However, I also try to remind myself that while this will end up feeling good to some extent I think (cathartic as a friend put it), it doesn't matter in the long run.  NO ONE will ever read this so it doesn't matter if it's a little chaotic and stuff.  Sigh.  I think I'm just struggling to focus, like I have with everything all year.  So apparently in addition to problems with focus, I've been having a trouble with motivation.  I know it'll feel good, both the content and the completion of NaNoWriMo, but knowing it doesn't matter is the opposite of helpful in that regard.  Sometimes writing all this out is flowing quickly and easily while others it just sort of stutters out.  I suppose that could also be said for writing anything else too.  Anyway, I am trying to keep chugging along....

I made the decision last year (especially after actually achieving the 50k words!) that I would participate in NaNoWriMo every year, no matter what.  That being said, it's been a rough year.  I haven't kept up a daily journal like I did last year.  I didn't have this story forming in my head just waiting to come out months prior to even starting.  I worried I wouldn't even have a place to start. There was a day in early October when inspiration came from a strange place.  I scratched my arm on who the hell knows what.  Looking at that scratch brought back memories from my adolescence.  I was a cutter and still have some, very faint, scars as a result.  I decided I'd write about my journey.  When, how, and why I started and stopped.  Its evolution as I got older.  I don't cut now, but it has crossed my mind over the years, especially on some bad parenting days that fuel my depression at the time.   This will...

I FREAKING DID IT!  I actually wrote a book that capped out at 50,432 words.  I achieved NaNoWriMo and wrote a book.  I'm a little in shock that I actually managed it.  And I did it 3 days early!  Now, it's time to let it sit for about a month before starting the editing process, per advice from a trusted author friend.  Two even. I don't know when I'll start my next project in earnest, because it depends how the rest of the process goes for Unraveled.  I'm scared of trying to get this published, but excited too.  And I look forward to writing more. So, YAY!  I can't believe I actually did it and I'm just so happy and proud of myself.

I'm so freaking excited!  I'm a day ahead and frankly trying to stay that way and some.  I'm hoping to hit 50,000 words by the 27th.  It's encouraging that I've managed this and I'm hoping to get myself writing on a more regular basis.  I've had a lot of support and encouragement from friends, family, and people from the NaNo community and it's been great.  I'm finally following my dream after my husband accomplished his own.  I'm not making the same sacrifices that he did to do it (time with kids and spouse etc.) and I'm still managing this, which makes me incredibly happy.  It's nice to finally feel like I'm coming alive as a person as opposed to just a mom.  Here's hoping I stay on track and make this happen!

I'm feeling so good.  I had a couple rough days, largely due to kiddos, but I have been able to make up for them and am still very much on track to finish on time!  I'm so excited.  I just struggle not to get ahead of myself in the process as well as not edit as I go, which I can be pretty bad about. Rough drafts are supposed to be bad - that's what edits are for!  The story is flowing though, granted love scenes are surprisingly hard to write.  That's what wine and a bowl of skittles is for though!  How about y'all?  Anybody participating in NaNoWriMo?  Are you an established author or just starting out like me?  Tell me about it!!

So things are looking pretty good!  The NaNoWriMo site basically says that you need to write an average of 1667 words per day to finish on time.  I'm aiming for an even 1700 a day.  I had a rough weekend writing wise, so I'm a tad behind, but I'm making it up and still very much on track.  I'm excited that I'm succeeding (so far) and just writing the story that's in my head.  It feels so good to finally be able to sit down and make time to do this.  Regardless of how this turns out, I'm going to do more. So the goal is 50k words in 30 days.  By the end of yesterday, I needed to have approximately 10,200 words.  I made up for nearly all of my missing word counts from the weekend and currently sit at 10,401 words.  YAY.

I have attempted NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month = November) 3 times previously.  My last attempt is utterly negligible, but my first two were honest.  Between getting bad news the first time and having a small child that distracted me and exhausted me derailed the second time lol.   This time I am planned out and have a lot of hope.  My husband recently released a game he'd been developing for two years back in August.  I thought to myself that it was my turn to fulfill a dream.  I stalled out quickly on my original project that's been on my mind and attempted many times since 2011, but my husband had advice for me.  Don't make your first project your biggest passion.  You'll learn on it and it won't turn out as amazing as you envision.  So I'm working on one of my other ideas that still means a lot to me.   I hope I at least get half way or more to success (that's 50k words in a month) this time, and I hop...