Buffy's Ramblings

Now available for pre-order!! The Case of the Voracious Vintner (A Middlemark Mystery Series, Bk 2)  By Tara Lain  Blurb: Where Bo Marchand comes from, gay men are just confirmed bachelors who never found the right girl. But now Bo’s a successful winemaker on the central coast of California, supporting his whole damned Georgia family, and all he really wants is the beautiful, slightly mysterious Jeremy Aames. Jeremy’s vineyard is under threat from Ernest Ottersen, the voracious winemaker who seems to know all Jeremy’s blending secrets and manages to grab all his customers. Bo tries to help Jeremy and even provides a phony alibi for Jeremy when Ottersen turns up dead in Jeremy’s tasting room. But it’s clear Jeremy isn’t who he claims, and Bo must decide if it’s worth tossing over his established life for a man who doesn’t seem to trust anyone. When Jeremy gets kidnapped, some the conservative winemakers turn out to be kinky sex fiends, and the list of mur...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! So I'm chugging along.  My personal journey through depression has definitely turned into more of a chaotic memoir.  I read Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking and I thought that while her life was interesting, her writing was atrocious.  Well, now I know why.  Trying to write about your own life and share stories and how they all tie in together to land you where you are as a person is messy.   Anyway, on this day that makes us stop and give thanks when we might otherwise be to busy all the rest of the days, I want to say that I'm thankful for having forgiving children (when Mommy's trying to write instead of play) and a supportive husband.  I'm thankful for being able to be a stay home mom.  I'm thankful to the teachers that spend time with my children and help them learn even when my kids can be pretty challenging sometimes.  I'm grateful for having a loving family and even having some family close.  I am tha...

I'm working hard to stay on task and stay motivated and keep up with my goals.  I was recently told that I need to go back on Bipolar meds which frankly is all the more depressing.  I'm trying to keep it up and I seem to be making it, but I'm struggling.  :-(

*I VOTED, DID YOU?!* There is SO MUCH to include that affected my depression from development to evolution that I struggle to keep some kind of coherence.  However, I also try to remind myself that while this will end up feeling good to some extent I think (cathartic as a friend put it), it doesn't matter in the long run.  NO ONE will ever read this so it doesn't matter if it's a little chaotic and stuff.  Sigh.  I think I'm just struggling to focus, like I have with everything all year.  So apparently in addition to problems with focus, I've been having a trouble with motivation.  I know it'll feel good, both the content and the completion of NaNoWriMo, but knowing it doesn't matter is the opposite of helpful in that regard.  Sometimes writing all this out is flowing quickly and easily while others it just sort of stutters out.  I suppose that could also be said for writing anything else too.  Anyway, I am trying to keep chugging along....

I made the decision last year (especially after actually achieving the 50k words!) that I would participate in NaNoWriMo every year, no matter what.  That being said, it's been a rough year.  I haven't kept up a daily journal like I did last year.  I didn't have this story forming in my head just waiting to come out months prior to even starting.  I worried I wouldn't even have a place to start. There was a day in early October when inspiration came from a strange place.  I scratched my arm on who the hell knows what.  Looking at that scratch brought back memories from my adolescence.  I was a cutter and still have some, very faint, scars as a result.  I decided I'd write about my journey.  When, how, and why I started and stopped.  Its evolution as I got older.  I don't cut now, but it has crossed my mind over the years, especially on some bad parenting days that fuel my depression at the time.   This will...