This is a hard post to write, but it's time to write it. I failed. I failed to get my writing truly off the ground. I failed to keep up the networking, popularity, and quality of my blog. I didn't research to learn how to improve the blog itself. Buffy Kennedy was a dream, but my bigger dream was children and I had two. Now my focus needs to be on them.
Right now, they scream a lot and they learned that from me. Right now, I don't engage enough with them so they're bored, and cranky all the time. I'm not happy with or proud of the parent that I am. I complain too much about everything and can't seem to make new friends or keep up the friendships I do have very. I'm no happy with the person that I am. To be honest, my husband isn't either and I certainly don't want that to grow.
I have a LOT of work to do to improve myself and that has to take priority over everything else. This will be my last post. I would like to say for now, but I just don't know. This is breaking my heart tremendously, but I spend so much time wanting to be on the computer or reading or writing, that I end up resenting my kids for requiring SO MUCH time and attention. That's not fair or right.
I'm currently in a prison of my own making in a variety of ways, and frequently fantasize about suicide despite medication. It's not something I'll do for several reasons, but the mindset in itself needs to change. So now it's crunch time and I will be doing some fake it till I make it, but it's all necessary.
Thank you to all my readers, new and old. I hope to bring this dream back to life one day, but all I can say is time will tell. So, at this time, I say goodbye.